“That is my greatest fear. That if, if I lost control. Or did not have control, things would just, you know. It would be fatal.” - Supermodel
CTRL by SZA was a defining album of my twenties. I started this blog in the summer of 2017, the summer before my senior year of college, a summer when two moments converged to inspire the birth of this blog.
CTRL by SZA had just been released, and tracks from the album defined key snippets of my summer. Moments blasting Go Gina, riding down Lake Shore Drive. Moments listening to Supermodel, sitting by the lake with friends, feet dancing in the cool lake water. Moments alone in my bed at night, listening to 20-something, terrified of what was to come of the rest of my 20s. Moments biking to work, Broken Clocks drowning out the sound of loud honks & impatient drivers.
This blog was born out of CTRL, and out of the job I had at the time, a summer I spent working at a non-profit urban farm in Chicago. I ended that internship, returned to Cornell for my senior year of college, where I studied Environmental & Sustainability Science, and then returned home to Chicago to start my full-time job at a non-profit consulting firm.
It was quite a contrast to go from college life back to living with my dad and sleeping in the childhood bunk bed I grew up in. Also gone were the four years of pre-lims and exams, college parties, best friends across the hallways, and summer breaks, and in were 6:30am mornings to get to work by 9am, tapping into the Chase Tower, client meetings, and paying bills.
For work, especially a job that required me to wear business wear and speak “professionally”. The thought of clocking in and out of an office job for the rest of my life, one downtown at the Chase Tower at that, depressed me. My brain thirsts for change and adventure the way a fish needs water; it was a way of life. To place a fish out of the sea is to destine the fish towards oblivion. Monotony would be the death of me.
Spiritually, I knew I would have to leave this job.
And so I did. I remember the exact moment when I blindsided my manager, a white woman whom I did not enjoy working with at all, and told her that I would be leaving to be a climate organizer. “An organizer?! Will you even have a career in that?!” Hah. I guess it worked out all right.
And so, the next big transition in my 20s came in the form of a new job, one that I've held for the past 7 years at Sunrise. (I could write a whole post alone for the impact Sunrise has had on my life in my 20s, but I’ll leave it as this; it is true what they say, if you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life.)
It was in my 20s that I also discovered I had an itching urge to leave Chicago. I’ve heard that a plant cannot reach its maximum potential in a container that is too small. I, too, was feeling the confines of Chicago to be too restricting for the dreams and desires I had for myself. After visiting New York City after the peak of the pandemic, I made the decision to move to Brooklyn.
I could also write a whole BOOK, alone, on my experience in NYC in the latter half of my twenties, but I will say that I’ve finally found a container vast enough to enable me to flourish in the artist, the organizer, the woman that I’ve always dreamed of becoming.
So 20somethingandgrowing.
“How could it be? Twenty-something. All alone, still not a thing in my name. Ain't got nothin', runnin' from love, only know fear. That's me, Ms. Twenty-Something. Ain't got nothin', runnin' from love. Wish you were here, oh.” - 20something
This blog has been a safe space to pour out every inch of myself, in my writing, in my poems, in my reading, in my photos. While I’m sad to officially retire 20something&growing, I’m not closing this thing out. It’ll get a new name… &growing. Whether I’m 30 or 40 or 50 or 90, I’ll always be growing, always trying to figure out how to do this thing called life. And the pages on the blog will get to experience it all.
And instead of 20somethingandgrowing.com, it’s just dejahpowell. I think that has a nice ring to it.
It has been an honor to pour my heart out, my brain, my mind, my reflections, to an unknown sea of people. To more of that in my thirties! Before I close this out, I also wanted to leave you with a few of the biggest things I’ve learned in my 20s. Enjoy :)
Biggest lessons from my twenties: What I would have told 20-year-old-me.
On purpose. “The secret of happiness is to find all the marvels of the world but never forget the drops of oil on the spoon.” Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. Find your purpose and let it guide all that you do.
On thyself: “You can do this; I've got your back.” Don’t be your own worst enemy; you’ve got the rest of the world to deal with. (And believe in yourself, you are enough.)
On dating: If you are confused, he is NOT for you. (Whew, the things I could have avoided and the time I could have saved.)
On hobbies: Find them, especially ones that keep you social and physically active.
On unhappiness: If you are unhappy about something, change it. If you cannot change it, get over it. If you cannot get over it, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. (Take it from someone who has wallowed in my misery!!)
On external validation: The sooner you do things for YOU and not for the approval of other people, the happier you will become.
On results: Consistency and discipline. Wanna be good at something? Stay focused on it and do it often.
On depression: If you, for whatever reason in your twenties, are impacted by a mental health disorder, do not ignore it. Do not blame yourself. Do not assume you are the only person struggling with it. Seek healing (therapy, fitness, eating well, sleeping)... and medication if needed.
On growth: In an area where you are stuck, do the thing that you don’t usually do, the thing that might be unfamiliar or uncomfortable. You might find results there.
On money: Save more than you think you need to.
On reality: That nothing is guaranteed. But anything is possible.
